May 24:  Cameron Highlands to Kuala Lumpur

I slept 1:30am-5:30am until the call to prayer woke me.  Noise and thoughts kept me up till 7:30am.  Fully refreshed, no hangover.

We left on a bus at 8:45am.  I listened to the iPod until got completely tired of all songs ever.  I found myself getting philosophical and emotional.  I'm thinking when I get back to the US I might try being happy for a change, instead of pursuing goals and completing to-do items 24/7.  Happiness itself isn't a goal, because it evaporates at death, but I should try using it as a means to other goals.  It might help.

We arrived in Kuala Lumpur at the Mayview Glory Hotel around 1pm.

View from my window.  KL Tower on the left, Petronas Towers on the right.  Nice.

At 1:20pm we went to the food court at the mall, where I had black pepper chicken and rice.  A bunch of us walked around the mall, and this was my traditional watching-girls-shop thing that I do on every tour.  It's must more bearable than dancing, or sucking cock.  Becky and Fiona purchased fans (those Chinese-style folding fans), and then immediately saw better fans.  Epic fail.  Yes, it's time to start overusing that term.  In the mall I saw 5 mannequins with sexy mouths, and announced my desire to make out with all 5 of them.  I need a girlfriend, which I think I mentioned earlier.

It turns out that there are no koalas in Kuala Lumpur, which was a major disappointment to me.  Kind of like that travelogue I found in which a European couple visiting LA expressed disappointment that Wienerschnitzel restaurants do not serve Wienerschnitzel.  Or the fact that Singapore rice noodles aren't really a Singapore dish, which I'll get to later.

I'm starting to lose track of what city we're in.  One town's very like another when your head's down over your pieces, brother.  (Saving that line since Bangkok.)

From the mall I walked with Becky and Fiona back to the hotel, with a side trip to post office, which wasn't there.  Back to the hotel at 3:30pm.

Arrow pointing to Mecca on my hotel room ceiling.  For prayers and whatnot.

In my room the drapes didn't quite close at the top (they spread out more at the bottom), which normally would be OK because if I'm nude someone could see me only from a very tall building.  But here in KL I have the 4th(?)-tallest TV tower in the world outside.  In fact, as I write these words in my journal, I'm sitting on the floor nude and looking directly at the observation deck of the KL tower through my window.  I say, enjoy the show.

I shat & showered, and we all left at 4:30pm for the KL Tower.

KL Tower.

KL Tower.

The new price to go to the observation deck is RM38 (US$12).  They've made it so you can buy only the all-inclusive tickets that give you access to unwanted pony rides (50 kg limit, so useless) etc.  But regardless of price, it's a must-do.

View from the tower.

The building with the blue roof is Masjid Negara, one of SE Asia's largest mosques.

Merdeka Square.

Random direction.

YEAH.  Petronas Towers.  The shot I wanted.  These were the tallest buildings in the world as of a couple years ago, so I'm pretty high up here (the KL Tower isn't considered a building, and it's on a hill).  The Petronas Towers used to be the 3rd-coolest twin towers in the world, until Muslims destroyed the World Trade Center and the Big Bossman.  They left Akeem alone, probably because he's close enough.  He should have converted further to Hakeem just to be sure, but the initial transformation was a pretty big step in itself.

With that RM38 ticket we got access to the KL Tower Animal Zone, so we went in.

Reticulated python.  You're so reticulated!  This was the 2nd-longest and 2nd-girthiest snake I'd seen all day.  And yes, I'm insinuating that my penis is indeed bigger than the snake depicted here.

I paid RM10 to have this snake draped on me.  The weight alone was constricting me.  This was the best of 3 photos taken of me, which isn't saying much.  I'm not photogenic here.

Coincidentally, the Harry the K book I was reading devoted an entire chapter to this and other ribald topics from the 1980 Phillies' locker room.

Well, this was a surprise.  I guess The Howard Stern Show is on vacation, because Gary dell'Abate was hanging out in a cage here.  Wow, a brush with celebrity.  Lookie, he's touching my hand!


He was stroking my hand with love with both of his pawgies.  AW.  I didn't come here to see a monkey in a cage, though.  Doesn't count.

KL Tower on the way out.

I need to point out that neither of the English girls in this group wore stockings at any point.  Two people at most will get this reference.

From the KL Tower we walked to the Petronas Towers.

Petronas Towers.

Petronas Towers.

Petronas Towers atrium/lobby.

Tip of one of the Petronas Towers.

Petronas Towers starting to get lit up.  Now I know why Dek took us here at such an odd time.

Petronas Towers.  Artsy full-moon shot.

Petronas Towers.  You can go up only to the skybridge, not to the very top.  I had no desire to do so.  Reminded me of my visit to the World Trade Center on July 1, 2001:  "I'll go to the top next time."

Darcy got detached from us here, but we all had maps, so we assumed he'd find his way back to the hotel.

Shot of the KL Tower while walking back to the hotel.  This was the hottest sweatiest walk ever.  Somehow it took longer than the hotel-KL Tower and KL Tower-Petronas Tower walks combined.  We got back to the hotel at 8:15pm.  I toweled off the sweat and washed the monkey off my arm, and we were back out at 8:30pm.  Darcy had taken the subway back and beat us all to the hotel, like when I got lost in Munich that time and took a 1-hour taxi ride and beat the rest of the group to the hotel.

For dinner I had Singapore noodles (not the curry-based Singapore rice noodles I get at CityWok in LA, which is not confusable with CityWalk, so please research the caught-cot merger and learn how to pronounce things according to standard rules of American English, and learn your vowels).  And no, while waiting for my Singapore noodles I did not get an e-mail from anyone saying she was dumping me the day after I boned her.  Again, that was at CityWok.  I also had a large pineapple juice with dinner.  Needed it.

After dinner we went to the Reggae Bar, which is listed in Lonely Planet so it must be good.

Some of us playing king-slave.  Favorite card game of the trip.

Back-to-front view of the Reggae Bar.

Artsy shot from the same angle.


The photos without flash weren't working well, so I turned the flash on, and that was enough time for Simon to pull a Robert Latta.  Robert Latta?  Anyone?  Speaking of whom, someone told me in the Cameron Highlands that Rich Hall is currently one of the biggest Americas comedians in the UK.

I tried to get an in-action shot, but I was like a full second late here.

At some point I grabbed my bag and found that it had obviously been ruffled through, and at another point Simon was trying to pass it to someone.  They're trying to see what I'm writing in the journal, but everything I wrote is going into this travelogue, except for the stuff about the girls that isn't.  Fiona said something about fondling my bag, which I said would be the highlight of the tour if it happened.  The girls also intercepted my camera, presumably to see what manner of pervy photos of them were on it.

I made a note about having a conversation with Andy at the bar about marriage and life goals, but I forget the details.

Back at the hotel each of us had 1 more beer each (from 7-11?).  This was in addition to the 6 Long Islands I had at the bar playing cards.

Simon as Robert Latta again, Fiona (love the one red eye and one drunken droopy eye), and me.

Same as previous.  Oh, this angle is horrible.  It looks like that photo of me with the Nelson twins (and I continued typing that even after I realized the double meaning).  I look like my jaw is broken.  And I'm totally pawing at Fiona.  Drunk.  This isn't a great photo of me, but I'm posting it anyway, like I do with my lackluster comedy videos.  The only risk is that Buh-rian Monarch will retrieve it and use it on a comedy show flyer as he did with the pink shirt Long Island photo (if he books me again, because I might have pissed him off with a Facebook comment).

Bed 3:15am.