May 18:  Krabi/Ao Nang

I woke up at 7:30am, still drunk, with cuts on my leg.  I was told I fell into a bush last night.  It had been 14 months since the Clearwater incident, so I guess I was overdue.

I got on the Internet before we left.  Yunel Escobar came off the DL just as Mark De Rosa went on, so the one roster move I had to make on this trip for Merkle's Boners was relatively easy.  De Rosa called his off-season surgery a "total failure".  Some might call it an epic fail.

At 8:30am we (except Andy, who was too hung over) left for a boat tour of the Phi Phi islands.  I have a map of the islands but I forget what order we did them in, so some details are lacking here.

First stop was this island with a decent beach.

I tanned here for 45 minutes and for some reason got burned only on the right upper arm.

I just started taking photos of random hotties.

Hotties.  With those sunglasses, they likely didn't notice they were posing for a second photographer (me).  I really need to get a girlfriend.  (I made that comment to Fiona later in reference to this photo and she literally shrieked in disbelief at my singleness.)

I think this is the island we were just at.

Boat full of hotties!

What a coincidence...this is a blue lagoon, and I'm a blue-haired goon.

Passing the other side of the hottie boat.

Cool cave.

We stopped in the main town on the main island for lunch.  Nothing special.

The boat stopped at a random point for snorkeling.  Everyone partook except me.  I got bored with snorkeling when I was like 6.  Besides, it was more fun throwing bread to the fishes.

Now I have that fish song stuck in my head...the one the Phils played before game 3 of the 2008 World Series to taunt the Rays.

We stopped at one more beach for a swim.  I went in this time.  And then no one wanted to get out of the water because it started to rain and the air was cool for a change.

I thought we were going to stop at Monkey Beach, but we headed straight back to the mainland after this.  Along the way, Trisha mentioned that her brother used to live next to the Roxborough Wawa.  Someone else on one of my tours was a fan of Wawa.  Go back and read the previous travelogues and tell me who it was.  Trisha has also been to an Eagles game, which I have not.

We returned to shore a little before 4pm, and I didn't recognize anything.  I had no recollection of having gone from the hotel to the boat in the morning.  Funny thing was I was clear-headed enough to send my dad an e-mail in the morning, but I must have totally blanked out right after that.

I showered and got on the Internet again.  Somehow, Merkle's Boners had climbed to 6th place and were only 3.5 points out of the money.  I'd been in 9th for a while and was 15 points out last time I checked.  I got 4 wins in one day, which partly explains the surge.  Lakers and Flyers won, and Bret Hart won the US title.  Hopefully there was outside interference, because his 1-on-1 match with McMahon at WrestleMania was one of the worst things I've ever seen.

We went out for dinner but didn't eat together.  Some of us got food from a street vendor.  I had chicken and chili, which was intensely hot, the way I like Thai food.  Other people went for pizza.  Pussies.

Prior to hitting the bars we bought beers from another street vendor and drank on the sidewalk and harassed random people who walked by.  Amar was offering suits and massages.  What is it with Thailand and suits?  Do tourists actually buy them and stuff them into their bags as they backpack around Southeast Asia?  I'd rather wait till I go home and make my own suit.

The Irish girls--Fiona, Laura and Trisha.

While we were drinking a dog came by that looked like one I had petted before.  I said I recognized the dog's nipples.  This got some disturbed laughs, but I was serious.  No way I could forget a rack like that.

We decided to try the Irish pub across from the hotel, and it had a pool table, so we stuck around a while.  There was a singer who reminded me of the guy at the Tilted Kilt, but he sucked.  He kept rearranging lyrics such that it was impossible to sing along with him (the way the Thriller lyrics in the video are in a different order from the regular song).  He pissed me off so much that I announced my intention to stab him in the eyes with toothpicks, commandeer the microphone, sing Sweet Caroline, and exit the bar to thunderous applause.

On the wall in the Irish pub.

I finally won a game of pool, and made probably my best shot ever by sinking three balls, including two that somehow went around our opponents' ball that was right in front of the pocket.  Two hotties were watching us play, and they (especially the leggy blonde) made me want to stay longer, but we left and went back down to the same bar area as last night.  I forget the name of tonight's bar, but we gave them a bunch of requests (mostly '80s stuff) and they played most of them, so I recommend it anyway.

The night devolved into me watching people dance, which happens at least once on every trip.  Becky and Fiona's straw-microphones were inoperable.  Girls 2, 3 and 5 are randoms, not from our group.  Girl 5 would have made a fine addition.  Lee on the right does not appear to be dancing.  Personally, I'd rather take a cock in my ass than dance.  The thought of doing the latter makes me slightly more uncomfortable.

At some point John and possibly several of the Austrians took me to that back room from last night (the Chang Bar was next door to this one) and one of the girls remembered me from last night.  The best kind of bar is one where the prostitutes recognize me.  I figured out what the guys were up to and escaped, literally shaking off whores as they grabbed me.  No making out this time.

I had numerous mojitos at this bar and tallied 9.5 drinks for the night, and that made me the soberest of the bunch.  Sober enough to dispense advice in a conference outside Burger King.  And I delivered a forehead kiss.  Wow, between that and the kiss on the cheek a couple weeks ago (what happens at happy hour stays at happy hour), I'm really getting around.  At this rate I'll be kissing a girl on the nose by the end of summer.  (By "girl", I mean a non-prostitute.)

We got back to the hotel around 2:30am.  Nothing planned for tomorrow, so this will be a solid night of sleep.